Ford is #1

[billyz]

Ford is #1



On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Mike Weir drives his new Ford Fusion into a gas station in a remote part of town.


The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. ''How's she cuttin' bye?'' says the attendant.


Mike nods a quick 'hello' and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

''What are dose?'' asks the attendant.

''They're called tees'' replies Mike.

''Well, what on God's earth are dey fer?'' inquires the attendant..

''They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving'', says Mike.

''Fookin Jaysus'', says the Newfoundlander, ''Ford tinks of everyting!''

[Sonny ReVerb]

LOL! Newfy jokes - I love it. I used to fly into Toronto and the locals always had a Newfy joke to share.

Two Newfy's were in a bar, celebrating. After several rounds, the bartender finally had to ask what the celebration was about. One of the Newfy's said, "We set a record. We just finished a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle and it only took us 6 months!" The barkeep said, "Six months! That's nothing to celebrate." Then the other Newfy held up the puzzle box and said, "It sure is. Look, it says 6-8 YEARS!"

[Wayne]

The poor Newfies! I'm surprised - until just a minute ago, I thought that if you told a Newfy joke outside of Atlantic Canada it would get met with a blank stare.

W

[Tubetwang]

In N.A. newf's joke are popular.

In Europe they go for the Belgium ones...

International jokes are usually on Bush or the Quail Hunter ex V.P.

[drhulsey]

... ''Ford tinks of everyting!''

So that's why Ford is in better shape than the others

[LeeMo]

I guess it depends on where ya got raised.

Why'd they build a bridge over the Mississippi? So folks from Arkansas could swim over in the shade.

LeeMo

[rfgordon]

Boudreaux and Thibideaux out deer huntin and dey kill deyselves a big ol buck. So dey gots to get dat deer back to de truck. Boudreaux he take holt of one side o' de antlers, and Thibideaux he take de other side, den dey commence to drag de deer on de way to de truck.

Along come de game warden, and he say, "Tonner me chiens! Dat is ain't no t-buck, now, cher!" Boudreaux and Thibideaux dey smile real big and proud, cuz dey even got dey huntin license dis year, and dey show it to de warden.

Warden, he say, "Now boys, it got to be mighty tough pullin dat big rack tru de woods like dat."

Boudreaux and Thibideaux dey say, "Yeah, it go real slow, on account we snag on every bush along the way."

The warden he tell Boudreaux and Thibideaux to each grab a hind leg and pull de deer, dat be easier.

So, Boudreaux and Thibideaux grabs de legs, and gets to draggin, and dey sees that it much easier pullin de deer dat way.

A while later, Boudreaux say to Thibideaux, "Dat warden sure is smart. Dis is much easier way to drag dis deer."

Thibideaux, he say, "I know it easier, but we gettin to be a long way from de truck."

[Wayne]

If I deleted the "x" from the end of those surnames, I could sure piss off a lot of local folks - you see, Boudreaux and Thibideaux used to be Boudreau and Thibideau, and were my "neighbors" until they, ahem, re-located about 300 yrs ago.

W

[Tubetwang]

Were'nt Boudreau and Thibodeau founders of Louisiane?

Boudreau married Curtis Loew's daughter.

A. Alexander who wrote "Anna" and "If it's really got to be this way" was one of their descendant...

We openned for The Deraillers once...they'd play "If it's really got to be this way" and i would melt!!!!!!

I'm still under their spell

[Wayne]

I don't know much about the history of Louisiana, but I think you'll find they stopped in Acadie (Eastern Canada & parts of Maine) first.

The English rounded them all up one Sunday after church & said "Anyone qui parle Francais gotta go"

Some went South and stayed, some went South & came back, and the real smart ones just hid in the woods til no one was looking.

There are still a bunch of them here.

</history lesson>

W

[Andy Le Blanc]

Here in Maine it's Jock and Pierre'.

So's Jock and Pierre' come down to Old Orchard to lay on th' beach and maybe
find some beautiful womans'. Pierre say's to Jock, "Jock I don't understand it,
I do all the things you say to get an American beauty. I work out some. I get
a good tan from the bed tanner, I wear a speedO, and I put a potato in the
speedO, just like you say, so the Maine ladies will get big eyes for my newf'y
sized pack-age". "So whats the problem?" say's Jock. "Well they do get big
eye's", say's Pierre, " but they walk the other way". "OH, well the problems right there Pierre."
say's Jock to Pierre. "But I don't understand, says Pierre "I do all the things you say, but....".
"Pierre", say's Jock, " You need to put the potato in the front"....

[Baxtercat]

I didn't know Arthur Alexander wrote that neat Derailer's tune.
Gee, that guy was good! "You Better Move On" was sure a hit at my school, and The Beatles doing Anna was just great too.

[Tubetwang]

I didn't know Arthur Alexander wrote that neat Derailer's tune.
Gee, that guy was good! "You Better Move On" was sure a hit at my school, and The Beatles doing Anna was just great too.

Yup! He was great!!

He did'nt get his share of royalties but...

Drove a school bus for a living most of his life.

Sad really...

Nice reading your web page Bob.

I wish i'd work for Fender.

You lucky dog!!!!!

[skyboltone]

Around my family it's Texans on account of my Grandmother spent a good deal of time in Texas doing whatever she had to...if you get the drift of that old aphorism.

Seems Donny, Lonnie, and Scooter were cell tower repair guys. Well one day after they had finished up at the top of a particularly tall tower they were headed back down the ladder and poor Scooter slipped and fell to the ground. He was killed instantly.

Donny and Lonnie clumb the rest of the way down and called 911 to come out and do what they could. The paramedics of course pronounced poor Scooter dead at the scene and carted off the corpse to the morgue.

Well, as the paramedic van pulled out of sight Lonnie says to Donny, " I suppose somebody orta go tell Scooters wife about this". Donny says, "well, I guess I knew him best and besides, I'm pretty good at this sensitive stuff." So off he goes and Lonnie stays there at the job site to clean up and wait things out so to speak.

After about two hours Donny shows back up and he's carrying a case of beer. Lonnie says, "Where in tarnation did you get the beer Donny?" Donny says, " I got it from Scooters wife" Lonnie says, " You mean to tell me that that poor bereaved woman gave you a case of beer after you tolt her her husband was dead?" "Well not exactly" says Donny, " When I went and knocked on the door, this pretty little old gal answered it and so naturally I says, you must be Scooter's widow?" "Then she says back to me, 'You must be mistaken young man, my husband Scooter is at work, I am no widow' ".

" So I says back to her, I'll bet you a case of beer you are!. And sure enough after I tolt all of the facts to her, she follered me down to the Quick Sack and bought us some beer!" Well ain't that grand" Lonnie says, snappin open a can.

[drhulsey]

[quote="skyboltone" ... Donny, Lonnie, and Scooter... [/quote]

Tact is highly overrated