A brief history

[M Fowler]

For those that don't know much about history...
Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on elk and deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and making art. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink whiskeys and domestic beers, Bud, Miller or hardy handcrafted microbrews. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.


And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self... I'm going to have another beer.

[billyz]

funny except that conservatives actually believe it.

[Deric]

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history....

Exactly!!! But, only if Fox News says so...

[dartanion]

Wow! I didn't think stereotypes could be so...stereotypical

[ampdork]

Are rainbow peace signs Conservative or Liberal?

[Jana]

"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it." Winston Churchill


So, what about the Independents?

[M Fowler]

Are rainbow peace signs Conservative or Liberal?

I don't know, but I hate everyone equally thought.

[Jana]

"I don't know, but I hate everyone equally thought." [sic]

Nice quote, Faux news? Hannity? O'Reilly?



As for the rainbow peace sign--I haven't seen very many right wingers that are sympathetic to what it represents.

[M Fowler]

Jana the quote is from my brother-in-law telling his black boss he is not prejudice, that sour look on his face is because he hates everyone equally.

They are good buds now.

[brewdude]

How come the term liberal is considered an insult, while the label conservative is worn proudly. I also think its strange that most conservatives that I know don't have any thoughts of conservation. I would consider myself firmly moderate. I am fairly conservative to some and somewhat liberal to others. Either way, I am very reluctant to go along with what some blow hard says I should believe because he/she is more aggressive in asserting their opinion.

Anyway, I suspect the correlation between beer and civilization is closer to the truth than the rest of the story. By the way, imported beer is a terrible idea. It does not travel well. Furthermore, why would anyone sell a product, that does not travel well, in a green bottle that does not protect it from being light stricken. The worst part is all those fools, whether liberal or conservative, have learned to believe that skunk piss is the aroma of "good" imported beer. Also, the only reason to put fruit in your beer is to hide the unpleasant defective aromas. Bottom line: Buy local beer.

[Gibsonman63]

You guys are scaring me now. I gave up a long time ago. No one that I would care to vote for can survive the process and no one who has survived the process is willing to give up power for the sake of society.

Since we all share a common interest, perhaps it would be easier to start a new religion and separate our interests from the clutching eagle altogether while building up our amplifier collections... other people do it with guns.

[jaysg]

Since we all share a common interest, perhaps it would be easier to start a new religion and separate our interests from the clutching eagle altogether while building up our amplifier collections... other people do it with guns.

I say we base it on the ideal of a twelve-string guitar that plays in tune.

[Gibsonman63]

I say we base it on the ideal of a twelve-string guitar that plays in tune.[/quote]

Mine does as long as I don't fret it!

[Structo]

My amp has more tubes than your amp does!

[David Root]

Two 400W 8-6550 amps, dimed into two 4 x JBL E130 cabinets is a very artistic lethal weapon when experienced at less than ten feet from the speakers, particularly with a nice old Les Paul with 7-8K PAFs!.

Especially effective on politicians and blowhards of all stripes.