Mortality - Some Thoughts

[El Rey]

Just turned 64, 10/2022.

My dad died age 64, mom age 58, both a year apart in death, deceased during mid-1980's.



Been too busy with life to think much about my mortality until the pandemic hit. Having so many mostly aquaintences and friends die in the past 3 years make me think about it a lot.

It put me in weird head space. Not only did I think more about it all than ever before, I often question why I have been spared and feel guilty from time to time. Of course "fair" is somewhat subjective, but at times it doesn't seem fair.

For me part of it is an odd confluence of secular and spiritual convictions about life. What we can see, feel, and touch as real in this world, and what faith tells me is beyond.

This life has been better to me than I deserve, much more so than I ever expected.

I've resigned myself to not think about it so much and live among the living. Also leave the dead among the dead.

My time ends when it does.

[gui_tarzan]

Since 2016 I have had health issues that have forced me to think about this topic several times. It started with a blood clot which exposed (via CT) three abdominal aneurysms. I had those repaired and the clot was treated with medication, no more issues there other than having to take a blood thinner for life due to the rarity of the clot location. Since then I have had four more aneurysms repaired, the latest in December. I developed a staph infection in this last surgery site which took a week and a half in the hospital to clean out and clear with antibiotics but that could have turned bad real fast.

Those didn't really scare me as much as the heart attack in 2019 when a piece of plaque broke loose and plugged my LAD (widowmaker). I got lucky and didn't go into arrest but it really makes you consider how fragile our bodies and our lives really are. I appreciate everything and everyone even more. We were blessed with a grandson in 2021 and our daughter is expecting a girl this coming July so there is even more to appreciate as time goes by.

As much as I love working on amps and playing music, it has had to take a backseat until I get healed up again. Priorities change when you realize you're not Superman.